Friday, June 24, 2005
I have been home for about a month and a half. It doesn't really feel like I even left. A lot of my time with Paul feels like it was some sort of dream. Good in the beginning and then blurry at the end. We have been broken up pretty much since right after I got back home. We said that we are "Taking a break" but maybe that was just some sort of way for us to feel that we still would talk and keep in touch. That isn't the case anyways. There are a lot of things that I thought I couldn't write about on here but you know what this is my blog and this is what I have to say. My phone is shut off...i know this. I have been working religiously trying to get some money to pay my bills but no matter how hard I try they haunt me. Before I left Columbus to come home Paul told me that he would pay a cycle of my bills so that I had time to get a job and get on my feet. and guess what!!! That didn't happen. So! in that whole thing of moving away I have realized that for a guy, i am not going to change my life like I had for him. Yes I had loved him more than I thought it was possible to love anybody. But in the end what have I gotten out of it. The biggest thing I have been left with is a changed attitude for men, for relationships and for Bemidji.
On what would have been our year anniversary I went on a date with a guy I have been intrigued with since I got back. He has already showed me things I have never thought I could get out of a relationship. Every girl deserves to get swept off her feet and in these six days I have already had that happen to me. The biggest thing is that we love to have fun. We went out on the lake yesterday with some of his friends and had a blast. This is no way has cancelled out what I had with Paul, with Paul everything was different, it is hard to explain but it was in a different category because I feel that I am not even the girl I was when I left for columbus. If it is possible to feel cleansed from the whole experience that is what I am. Other than the bills that I have hanging over my head everyday, I am enjoying and loving how blessed I am in the other aspects of my life. I am happy, I am on cloud nine, and I am thankful that I am given the chance to start over again in Bemidji.
|ericadawn |1:57 PM|
